When I was in high school, my best friend’s mom made no secret of her worries about us driving, going to parties, meeting new teens she didn’t know, and staying out late. But she felt confident in our ability to navigate the temptations of risky teenage behavior because, in her words, “You have good friends.” …
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I am a married mother of two and own my private psychotherapy practice. I am a health and wellness writer working on my second book. I write at home and practice psychotherapy in an office. How would you define Motherhood in your own terms? When people ask me what it is like to be a …
All relationships require compromise. This is true for friendships, work relationships, and romantic partnerships. When we are genuinely committed to an outcome, whether it be a work-related result or maintaining a healthy interpersonal dynamic, we are required to be flexible in our expectations. Sometimes you may find yourself feeling uncomfortable in a relationship. You notice …
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One of the reasons we love dance, watching it, doing it, thinking and talking about it, is because it is one of the purest expressions of our bodies and souls across time. When we are babies and little kids, we naturally move to music without even thinking about it. I am raising my children in …
Being a dancer informs how many people feed their bodies, how they schedule their time around class, rehearsals and performances, and for some, even how they groom their hair and tailor their appearance in general.
Being a dancer is a full mind-body-spirit endeavor. I hear a lot of dancers (half) joke that they can hardly think about anything else but dance!
It is a simple question, but one that can cause more inner turmoil than most of us realize.
“How are you feeling?”
For countless people living with a longer-term or chronic illness, that seemingly innocent question can be loaded with emotions.
As a psychotherapist specializing in living with chronic conditions, I hear countless people wonder aloud if people really want the truth. Or they worry that the truth, some variation of “not so good,” will be followed by awkward silence or unwanted advice.
One day I broached a subject that is little discussed in the performing world, but I harbored a question and I was almost ashamed to admit it. I hoped asking her would not betray my dedication to our chosen field.
“Did you ever think you wanted to have any career besides show business?”
Her answer was immediate and emphatic: “No. Never. Never.”
I hoped she would not ask me the same question in return. She did not, but that brief dialogue almost felt like our little secret. It never came up between us again.
I was feeling breezy one afternoon after one of my favorite songs played in my earbuds on my way back from lunch (which always spurs me to call my lifelong best friend and serenade her voicemail because she gets me). So that day I asked the frustrated woman in my office, “What’s your favorite music?”
A small smile played on her lips. “Rock and roll,” she said. “1950s. Those were the happiest days of my life.”
She was relaxed into her second trimester, answering all the usual questions from our guests: a boy, due in May, first trimester was uncomfortable but not terrible, totally different pregnancy from her first, totally excited.
She joked about the whole “we’re pregnant vs. I’m pregnant” debate with her husband Jeff, who had stopped drinking and even gained “baby weight.”
Her family used to live near us. They recently moved to a larger home with the plan of having another child. Just a few days earlier, she had asked me where we bought our Murphy bed. I assumed they were getting ready for family visits after the baby’s arrival.
Her text response to my pictures came about a minute later and stopped me in my tracks.
I can say with confidence that the majority of my clients have one underlying problem that has led them to my office. They have not yet learned to say “no.” If you have not yet developed the skill to consciously use this one small word, your emotional health will suffer greatly over the long term.
Copyright © 2022 Alena Gerst, Inside Psychotherapy LCSW - 16 Madison Square West, 12th Floor New York, NY 10010
